On the Edge of Tomorrow Read online

  CHARITY WAS STANDING at her locker when I walked up. At least she wasn’t late this morning. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I decided to just try a casual greeting, if I could keep my heart from racing.

  “Good morning, Chare.”

  “What’s so good about it, Gabe?”

  She turned her angry glare on me; she’d been crying. I guess she’d gotten the letter. I exhaled slowly and pushed my hand through my hair.

  “You all right?”

  “No. No, I’m not, Gabe. This was left for me at my front door this morning.”

  She shoved a letter into my chest. I knew that letter. I’d just given it to her mother, but I couldn’t let her know that. She’d chew me up and spit me out as soon as I said anything.

  I feigned innocent. “What’s this?”

  “Freakin’ read it, Gabe. Someone is playing a sick, cruel joke on me, and I will find them.”

  I opened it carefully, knowing that this was one of the last things her father had done for her. There were new stains on the paper, blurring some of the ink where she’d cried onto it.

  “Is this actually from your dad?” I asked.

  “He’s dead. You can’t send mail when you’re dead.”

  She yanked the letter and envelope out of my hand.

  “I’m sorry…I just…I don’t know. I just wondered if maybe he planned this or something.”

  Her eyes widened, and she paused, but then she asked, “How could he plan it?”

  “I…I don’t know.”

  I had to pull myself together. I couldn’t let her suspect a thing.

  “You’re an idiot.” She turned around and stomped away. I sighed. Maybe Dad was right. This girl was dangerous.

  5

  CHARITY

  IN HOMEROOM, I sat and slammed the note on my desk. Gabe was an idiot. There was no way my dad planned this, but it did look like his handwriting. Why would he do this to me? Why would he tear me down further, knowing that this would kill me along with him? Is that what Dad wanted? I knew the answer to that even as I thought it. No. Dad wouldn’t wish that on me.

  Chare,

  You’re the love of my life. I don’t think I ever truly knew what love was until I met you. I never thought that my life would end before I saw you walk down the aisle and into the arms of the man who would take you in and protect you just as I do. Or even before I got to hold my own grandchild. Heck, I never thought God would call me home before you graduated high school, but that’s what happened. My death sentence sometimes doesn’t feel like I’m going to die at all. It feels like a second chance to make things easier for you before I move on. You’ll forever be my little girl, never forget that, Charity. No matter how hard life gets without me, remember that I’m always with you, that I’ll be in your heart.

  I know it will be hard. You’re my little wild child, and I’m scared of how you’re going to react. Please don’t fight with your mother. Don’t give up on school. You have big dreams. Fight for them! Learn to live life to the fullest. Never give up hope. Without hope, what’s the point?

  You’re probably thinking that I’m crazy for leaving you a letter after I’ve died, but I worry about you. I want you to move on without me. Don’t argue. You have to. You don’t have to forget me, but you have to let me go.

  I will forever love you, my little Chare bear.

  Dad

  Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I hurriedly wiped them away before anyone could see. As I read the letter, I knew it wasn’t a joke. My dad had actually written this letter. I knew his handwriting, but I didn’t want to admit it to Gabe or myself. How could I actually move on from his death? I couldn’t let him go. He was—is—my daddy!

  I quickly shoved the letter in my backpack. I didn’t have time to worry about this today. I didn’t have to move on just yet, but I didn’t want to disappoint him either. I couldn’t.

  AT LUNCH, GABE took a seat beside me, but he didn’t say anything which had me worried. I couldn’t get him to shut up most of the time.

  I gave him his space, but when he didn’t speak after a few minutes, I took the leap. “What’s up, Gabriel?”

  He looked at me, complete shock on his face. It wasn’t that strange that I talked to him first.

  “Nothing,” he said.

  “You look like something is wrong,” I said, lowering my voice and hoping that I sounded genuinely concerned.

  “What’s wrong with you? You were angry when you first got that letter and now look at you. You actually look like yourself.”

  Why was he suddenly so defensive? It didn’t make sense.

  I scoffed. “I was always myself.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Are you trying to make me mad again? Because it’s working, Gabe. I’m actually concerned for my friend.”

  He laughed. “Well that’s a first.”

  “What’s your problem?” My voice was rising, and a few people looked our way. I didn’t care, but I knew he would. He never liked being the center of attention.

  “You’re my problem,” he whispered, but it was worse than if he’d yelled it. Or even if he’d slapped me.

  “Wh…what?”

  “I’m tired, Chare.” He lowered his head, the coward afraid to look me in the eyes.

  “Tired? What do you mean?”

  “You treat me like nothing, like scum on the bottom of your shoe. I deserve better.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I love you.”

  Love? If he loved me, he wouldn’t say these horrible things to me.

  “And I know you don’t love me back,” he continued. “That’s fine, but I don’t deserve to be treated like some kind of loser and then this.”

  “What this?”

  “You yell at me, making me feel like your world spinning out of control is somehow my fault. It’s not! You’re the one who screwed that up. You’re the one who can’t move past your dad’s death, and heaven forbid you see what’s right in front of you.”

  He picked up his tray of food and walked away. The whole high school was staring at us now, and all I wanted to do was run after him and beg him for forgiveness. But part of me was angry. He’d never talked to me that way before. He had no right to talk to me that way now. I didn’t treat him like that, did I? And what did he mean by loving me?

  Someone sat down beside me. It was a girl from our class, but we weren’t friends. I think she and Gabe were in band together. Tracy. That was her name.

  “He’s right. He deserves so much better than you,” she said.

  Disgusted, I turned to face her. “How dare you!”

  “Face it, Charity. You’re a lost cause! Even before your dad died, you were just a party girl who had no future. The best thing you can do for Gabe is let him go and stay away. Your daddy would have been so ashamed of you.”

  I couldn’t stop what I did next. I punched her.

  Someone was yelling my name and pulling me off her. I was still kicking and screaming obscenities at her as I was carried into the hallway.

  “If I set you down, do you promise not to go back after her?” a man’s voice said into my ear.

  I took a deep breath and nodded. He set me on the ground and backed away. I looked up to see Coach Patterson with his arms crossed and his steely gaze watching me. This man had seen his fair share of the gym, and he was a total hottie. But he was also fierce. You didn’t want to mess with him.

  “Let’s go,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder and leading me down the hallway. I was sure Principal Newman was already on the phone with Mom. She was probably on speed dial by now.

  I heard him sigh heavily as he guided me toward the principal’s office. I got into a lot of trouble lately, so being marched to the office really wasn’t new. But, I didn’t want to get in trouble. I wanted today to be the day that I changed. For my dad. I was screwed either way now.

  Gabe was at the end of the hall, watching me walk by. When our eyes met, he
looked away. I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t. I quickly wiped them away. I wouldn’t show any weakness in front of him.

  Inside the office, the secretary, Mrs. Brown, shook her head at me as Coach Patterson paraded me by. I ignored her, but I couldn’t ignore the look of dismay on Principal Newman’s face when I walked through the doors.

  “Your mother is on her way,” he said. “Have a seat.”

  I took a seat across from him and waited for whatever punishment they doled out so I could go home and forget this day even happened.

  “Why did you do it this time, Miss Dalton?” he asked, exasperated.

  “She started it.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, uncomfortable with being here again, but I quickly uncrossed them should they think that I was doing this in a show of defiance. I didn’t need my punishment to be even more severe. I was probably out of school for a while since I was already supposed to be in detention.

  “We have a no violence policy, Miss Dalton. You know what I have to do.”

  “Then just do it. I’m sick of this school anyway.” So much for not being defiant.

  “You’ll watch your tone, Charity,” Coach Patterson said.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled under my breath.

  Principal Newman placed his elbows on the desk in front of him and leaned forward. “I think we’d best wait for your mother for the rest of this conversation.”

  I nodded and leaned back in my seat. I knew they would suggest therapy. I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t see a shrink. I didn’t need someone else telling me what to do with my life, telling me to move on and forget my dad.

  I thought about the note. He wanted me to move on, but here I was in the principal’s office. Mom was going to be livid.

  About twenty minutes later, the door opened, and Mom rushed in. “Charity, what have you done?”

  “Tracy said Daddy would have been ashamed of me, Mom! How could I let that go?”

  She shook her head and began apologizing to Principal Newman and Coach Patterson. “I’m so sorry for my daughter’s behavior.”

  “Have a seat, Mrs. Dalton,” Principal Newman said, pointing to the empty chair beside me. “Coach Patterson, you’re excused. Thank you.”

  He nodded and walked out the door without even so much as a glance my way.

  “Mrs. Dalton, I think you might want to consider taking Charity to a grief counselor. I think it could be very beneficial for her.”

  Mom looked at me with tears in her eyes.

  “Mom…” I said, silently begging her to not take me.

  She shook her head before I could finish what I was going to say. “Thank you, Mr. Newman. I will definitely consider that. Something has to be done.”

  He passed her a tissue, and she dabbed at her eyes. I looked away.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Dalton, but I have no choice but to suspend her for three days. Which means she’ll get a zero for the work those days. She can’t make it up, either.”

  “Which means with her already low grades, she’ll be repeating the year?”

  He nodded solemnly, and I jumped up. “No. I can’t repeat this year. Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hit her. Honest.”

  “I’m sorry, Charity. We’ve given you chance after chance. If this was your first offense, I might be more lenient. I just can’t do it this time around.”

  I slumped back into my chair. What had I done?

  6

  GABE

  A WEEK HAD passed since Charity hit Tracy. I didn’t know what happened between them, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was my fault. I shouldn’t have told her what I did. I don’t know what possessed me either, but between everything my parents had said, the letters, then her yelling at me, I freaked out and told her I was done. Charity was ignoring me at school; I couldn’t blame her. I was a complete idiot. I had been eaten away by guilt since it happened, but I had gone ahead and dropped another letter off in the meantime. This time, I mailed it. I still had one more letter to deliver.

  I was on my way to see Mrs. Dalton now. We had to figure this out. I wanted to help Charity, but I had only made it worse.

  I asked for her at the desk, but she was with a patient, so I had to wait at least thirty minutes before she arrived. I hadn’t seen her look as bad as she did now. What kind of torture was Charity putting her through?

  She had dark circles beneath her eyes, and her hair was lacking its normal luster and shine. She had it pulled back in a tight ponytail, and her face looked sallow.

  “Are you all right, Mrs. Dalton?” I asked.

  She sighed and nodded. “Do you have another letter?”

  “Yes.”

  “How many more of these until we’re done? I’m not sure Charity can handle anymore. I’m not sure I can either.”

  She sank down into a waiting room chair.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, sitting beside her.

  “It’s not your fault. This is what Mark wanted.”

  “Well, I’m not talking about just that. I’m the reason she fought with Tracy. I had just told her that I couldn’t be around her anymore.” The last few words came out as barely a whisper.

  “You did what?”

  “I was hurting,” I said, leaving my parents’ conversation with me out of it. She didn’t need to know what they thought of her daughter, especially since she and Mom were good friends.

  “So that gives you the right to abandon her when she needs you most?” I couldn’t tell if she was angry or disappointed.

  “I’m sorry. I feel awful.”

  “You should. I know she’s not easy to get along with. I can’t get along with her right now, but I won’t abandon her. Not now.”

  Mrs. Dalton stood in front of me. “We have to save her from herself, Gabe. I raided her room and took away her alcohol. I didn’t even know she had it until I smelled it on her. She’s always been a little wild, but she’s my baby. I won’t let her destroy herself.”

  “I won’t either,” I said. “I have one letter left. It’s supposed to come attached with some flowers and a teddy bear. He already gave me the money for that.”

  She nodded and sat back down. “What did the letter say that you sent in the mail?”

  “I don’t know. They were all sealed.”

  “Whatever it was, she locked herself in her room. I heard her crying all night.” She stared at her tennis shoes.

  I exhaled slowly. Was this making her worse?

  “Should we even consider giving her the last letter?”

  “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

  I nodded.

  “I have to get back to work, Gabe. Just—can you apologize to her please? Maybe that will help.”

  “Sure, Mrs. Dalton.”

  “Thank you.”

  She stood and walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.

  7

  CHARITY

  I HELD THE crumpled-up letter in my hand. It was the second letter delivered to me from my Dad. I had read it close to twenty times now.

  Chare bear,

  I know life must be strange with me gone. To be fair, the thought of me being gone is a foreign concept to me as well. Life without you would be difficult if roles were reversed, but you have no clue how much I love you. You won’t ever know until you have a child of your own. You can’t comprehend this kind of love. I never thought I would ever love someone more than your mom, but the first day I held you, it was over. You completely stole my heart!

  I remember every little detail about your face the day you were born, your tiny little hands, your cute little plump lips, those little bitty toes. And then, before I knew it, you were growing up to be this beautiful young woman. Charity, I hope one day you have children of your own. Someone that you can love this much. Even if it hurts. Even if you’re scared to love because of what’s happening to me. Don’t let anything scare you away from loving.

  And that reminds me, don’t give your mom grief when I’m gone. Please. Thi
s will be difficult for both of you, and you’re so daggum stubborn. It’s no secret that you were my little girl, but your mom loves you as much as I do. I know you’ll butt heads, like you always do, but the last thing I want is for you two to fight and drift apart. You’ll need someone when I’m gone. Gabe won’t be enough, and you know that. You’ll need your mother to sort through the emotions you’ll be feeling. Promise me you won’t push her away, Charity. Make that promise right now. I need for you two to get through this together, otherwise it will all be for nothing. Don’t let my death tear you apart. Let it bring you closer together.

  I’ll love you forever,

  Dad

  How did he know that I would react this way? Was I that transparent? Could everyone predict my moves but me?

  I set the letter on my bed and stared at it through blurry, tear-filled eyes. I reflected on every bad thing that I’d ever done in my life. When Dad was first diagnosed, my drinking amplified. I hit party after party, drinking more than I was used to drinking and ignoring my family and friends. I was only there for the alcohol anyway. Then, my friends deserted me, except for Gabe, and I guessed that was because he freaking loved me. When did that happen?

  I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. What was I going to do? I wanted to change. I wanted to move on, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to do that. I was better at being a sarcastic witch than anything else.

  I gave into the tears that threatened me, and I cried myself into a deep sleep. I was awoken hours later by the door opening in the living room. Steeling myself, I knew what I had to do.

  I got out of bed and wandered into the living room where Mom was sitting on the couch, taking off her shoes. She looked up at me and gave me a weary smile. I noticed her eyes and stooping body. She was tired, probably more than tired. I was exhausting her.