On the Edge of Tomorrow Read online

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Oh, Charity.”

  She motioned for me, and I walked over to her. She took my hand and pulled me into her lap. She basically cradled me like a baby, and I cried on her shoulder as she held me and cried too.

  “I’m a jerk,” I said, her shoulder muffling my words.

  “You miss your father. You’re not a jerk.”

  “I’ve treated you badly.” I still couldn’t look her in the eyes. I was too ashamed at my behavior.

  “You were hurting.”

  “How can you defend me after everything I’ve done? How I treated you?”

  I looked into her eyes then, still afraid of what I would see. Would she reject me? Would she forgive me?

  “Because you’re my daughter, and I will love you no matter what you do.”

  “I love you, too.”

  We sat that way and cried for the longest until I gathered up the courage to say, “I’ll be better. I promise.”

  “I know you will, honey.”

  MOM ORDERED A pizza, and we spent the night watching romantic comedies. Since it was the weekend, I didn’t have to get up early the next day, and she had the day off. As we were watching the movie, I got a text.

  I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I was hurting.

  Gabe. I had been thinking about texting him all day, but I thought he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I wasn’t going to butt in where I wasn’t wanted.

  It’s okay. I deserved it. I’ve been awful to you.

  You’re hurting, Chare. It’s fine.

  It’s really not… I’m sorry.

  I forgive you.

  I showed Mom my texts, and her eyes misted over. “You could do much worse than that boy. He loves you.”

  “I know. I just haven’t thought of him in that way before.”

  “You’ve never really focused on any guy for longer than a week or two, Charity. Maybe you should consider thinking long-term.”

  “I’m not gonna marry him, Mom!”

  “I don’t mean marry him. You’re way too young.” Mom laughed. “I just mean, it could be a meaningful relationship. Something more than just a friendship, which is a good basis. And, you never know.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  “I think I need to focus on other things before I focus on a relationship.”

  “I understand. Just think about it.”

  I nodded and turned back to the movie. Should I give him a chance as a boyfriend? Would that be too weird?

  No. I couldn’t think about it right now. I had to fix my life before I looked for a man. That was second to getting everything back in order, and now, I was a year behind in school. I wondered if the school would work with me so I could graduate next year like I was supposed to. I had to get my life back.

  8

  GABE

  FOR THE LAST letter, I was instructed to send it with a bouquet of flowers: a bouquet of lilies, roses, and daisies and a teddy bear, but that was it. Instead of paying to have them delivered, I had done an idiotic thing and decided that I would deliver them myself. Now, Charity would know that I was the one behind her dad’s letters. And I wasn’t even supposed to do this. Mr. Dalton wanted it to be a secret, but I couldn’t keep this from her. Not anymore.

  She didn’t know this, but when I texted her last night asking for forgiveness, I wasn’t just asking for what I had said to her at school but also for what I was doing now. That was probably stupid. It wasn’t like I was being cruel by giving her the letters. I was only doing what her father wanted me to do. Surely, she would see the sense in that, but my mind kept saying, This is Charity you’re talking about. And I would worry even more.

  I took a deep breath and exited my car. I grabbed the bouquet and the letter, and I walked to the front door. I knocked—and waited.

  My heart rate was beating twice as fast as normal, and I was sweating. Why was I doing this to myself? I was just going to dig myself into a deeper hole with Charity than I already was. This wasn’t going to help my case with her.

  The door opened, and Mrs. Dalton stood in front of me. She was shaking her head, no. This wasn’t good.

  “Am I not welcome?” I whispered.

  She closed her eyes for a brief moment. “I just wasn’t expecting you so soon. We made real progress last night.”

  “I’m sorry. But…”

  “I know. Come in.”

  I felt even worse than I already did. Would I send Charity back off the deep end? What was I even doing here? Why had Mr. Dalton asked this of me?

  “Who’s here, Mom?” Charity asked, walking down the hallway. She stopped at the end when she saw me. “Gabe.”

  “Hi, Chare. These are for you.”

  “You shouldn’t have,” she said, walking toward me slowly. Was that a blush on her cheeks? Oh no. Did she think this had something to do with me declaring my love toward her?

  “I didn’t,” I said, handing them to her.

  She narrowed her eyes at me and then looked at her mom who was still standing behind me by the front door. Was she anticipating Charity running off and was blocking it?

  She looked at the letter attached and dropped the flowers and bear on the floor. “It was you.”

  “Chare, let me explain,” I said, stepping closer to her.

  “You’ve been sending me letters from my dad? Where…how…?”

  She couldn’t even form the words, and it broke my heart. What had I done to her?

  “Charity,” Mrs. Dalton said, “let him explain.”

  “Did you know about this?”

  I turned to face Mrs. Dalton. She was crying as she nodded slowly.

  “Why?”

  I wasn’t sure who she was directing the question to, but her mom answered before I could.

  “Gabe approached me, telling me that your father left him instructions to leave notes for you after his death. I didn’t believe him at first, but he handed me a letter from him. This was one of your dad’s dying wishes, Charity. Gabe was just seeing it through, and your dad didn’t want you to know who was sending it.”

  I moved closer to Charity. I saw the hurt and pain in her eyes, and I just wanted to hold her. She turned her gaze on me, and I froze.

  “He asked you to do this?” she demanded.

  “He did. He said you would need to be comforted after he died, and he wanted to make sure he could do that for you. Chare, he loves you. He loves you so much he knew that you would need this. And that’s why I did this for him. Why I did it for you…”

  “Because you love me, too?”

  I nodded, still wary about putting my feelings out there for her. “Please read the letter. I’m hoping it might shed some light on everything. It’s the last letter from him.”

  “Why didn’t he get Mom to do it?” she asked, staring at the letter in her hand.

  “I don’t know.”

  I stepped over the flowers on the floor. She didn’t move away from me, which was a good sign.

  “What I do know is that he wanted to show you how much he loved you by helping you move on.”

  “Gabe.”

  My name was only a whisper on her lips, but it was enough to make me close the gap between us and hold her. She cried onto my shoulder, and I rubbed her back. At least she wasn’t mad at me.

  9

  CHARITY

  MY MIND REELED. I wasn’t sure what to think about anything. My dad had set up these letters with Gabe before he died. Gabe. Why Gabe? Did Dad really know how he felt about me?

  The feeling of Gabe’s arms wrapped around me felt nicer than I liked to admit, but that wasn’t something I needed to focus on right now. I wasn’t sure whether to be angry with both of them or just let it go. Mom was pleading at me from the other side of the living room with her eyes; I knew she was hoping that I wouldn’t run off or do something foolish. That was probably the only thing that kept me sane at the moment. I had made a promise to her to be better. I was going to keep that promise.

  “I…I have to go,” I said, making an impromptu decision.

  “Charity,” Mom said.

  Gabe tightened his grip on me just the slightest, but I pushed him away.

  “Don’t worry about me, Mom. I just have to go read this letter in private. I’m sorry. I’ll be back shortly.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek, but she nodded.

  I gave her hand a gentle squeeze as I walked past her and out of the door. I didn’t have a car, so I turned left and walked toward the church a few blocks away from my house, although that wasn’t what I was seeking at the moment. I was more interested in the cemetery beside it.

  Dad’s letter grew heavy in my hands as I walked. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to read it or not, especially since it was the very last letter. I would never hear from him again, and that was weighing heavily on me.

  By the time I reached the cemetery, my breathing was labored, and it wasn’t from the short walk. Tears rolled down my face, and the pressure of everything bore down on me. I could do this. I could say goodbye for the final time. I’d done it before, or so I had thought. But why did this seem worse?

  I trudged on, heading directly to the place where my father’s body rested for eternity. I knew he wasn’t in his body any longer, but I hoped that he could hear me. Or at the very least that God would pass on a message for me.

  As soon as I saw his name, I collapsed in front of the cold stone and rubbed my hand against the lettering.

  I opened up the letter.

  My little Chare bear,

  This will be your last letter. I know it’s only three, but I didn’t want to prolong your pain—or mine. It’s killing me writing these to you as if I’m already dead, knowing that I’m very much alive, even if my body doesn’
t know that any longer.

  I hear you singing in your room right now. You don’t think I can hear you, but I can. You have a beautiful voice, and it almost pains me to think that I’ll never get to hear it again. That shouldn’t matter, but it’s been on my mind a lot. But then I think about how you and your mom will probably think this about me. You’ll never hear my voice again. You’ll never hear me say I love you, and oh how I want to tell you that every night, every day, every hour. Chare, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You and your mom.

  I hope these letters haven’t been a mistake, but I didn’t know how else to get your attention and remind you that I love you. Remind you that you can face life head on with a little determination and with my and your mother’s support. I don’t want you to give up. I want you to fight. Lord knows I’ve been fighting this as long as I could. I can tell that I don’t have much time left, and the last thing I want is for you to look back at your life and think that you’ve wasted time. Don’t waste your time, Charity. Go out and live! Do that, please. For me. Don’t let life slip by you. Don’t look back with regrets. Find a husband. Gabe’s not a bad choice. I can hear you laughing at that right now. But he’s not, Charity. But only if that’s who your heart leads you to. I just want you to be happy.

  I should probably wrap this up. I’m afraid I’ll start crying if I continue on much longer. I know you don’t like to see me cry, but I’m human and I feel deeply. I’ve cried in my room over you, Chare bear. Don’t feel bad. It’s just part of being a parent. You’ll learn that, and I hope you do learn that. Being a parent is so rewarding, even when your daughter is just like you. Just promise me one thing, baby. Promise me that you’ll name a child after me. I’m kidding. Sort of.

  Seriously, Charity, I hope that you have a long, happy life, and I hope that you’ll always remember that you’re beautiful. You’re loved, and you’re my daughter. I’ll live on forever in your heart, and that gives me peace. I hope it does for you, too.

  I love you. Forever and always,

  Dad

  “I’ll name all of my kids after you if I have to.”

  I lay over on the ground in front of his tombstone and cried.

  “CHARITY.” GABE’S VOICE brought me back to the here and now. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. How long have I been here?”

  I sat up and wiped my face from tears and dirt. The chill in the air had numbed me, but I didn’t care.

  “About an hour. Your mom was worried about you.”

  My head was pounding, and everything around me was too bright. I squinted my eyes as I looked at him. “I didn’t mean to worry either of you.”

  “I know. The caretaker said you’ve been here this whole time.”

  I nodded. “I needed to be near him.”

  Gabe wrapped his jacket around me, sat down, and put his arm around me, warming me up. I leaned into him, letting him hold me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. And if you’re wondering, I’m not mad at you. I know you only did it for me and Dad.”

  “You mean the world to me, Charity. I would never intentionally hurt you.”

  “But you did.”

  “I was hurting, and I was stupid for saying that. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I was just as stupid for pushing you away. I’m not sure if we’re meant to be a couple, but I would like to at least have some time to think about it. You know, after I can get over this. I need to work on me before I can be with you, Gabe.”

  “I’ll give you as much time as you need, Charity.”

  He kissed the top of my head, and I said, “Thank you for always being here for me.”

  “Always.”

  10

  GABE

  May, a Year and a Half Later

  “GABE!” CHARITY YELLED my name when she opened the door to my house. It had taken time to get my parents accustomed to the new Charity, but they finally accepted her. Now, she was part of the family again.

  “Upstairs!” I called back. I stood in front of the mirror and lifted the collar on my shirt.

  “Hey, handsome,” she said, walking into the room.

  “Hey, beautiful.” And she was beautiful. She was dressed in a white lace summer dress with those high heels she liked to wear. Her blonde hair had been cut short, and it looked so cute on her. Her bright blue eyes shone, and I could see the happiness behind them. I smiled at her, and she winked at me.

  She gave me a quick kiss and then wiped her lipstick off my lips, all the while smiling.

  “Want some help with that?” she asked.

  “How do you know how to tie a tie?”

  “I had to help my dad a few times when he was too weak to dress himself.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasn’t sure what to say. She had come a long way in over a year, but I knew that talking about her dad was still difficult. She didn’t seem to mind so much right now, but I couldn’t help but worry about her today.

  She took the tie out of my hands and draped it around my neck, measured the correct length, and then tied the knot. She adjusted it up to my neck and lowered my collar. She looked up at me and gave me a wink and cheeky grin. I shook my head and pulled her close to me, kissing her again.

  She pulled away, giggling. “You’ll be covered in lipstick if you don’t stop that.”

  “Who cares?”

  I kissed her again, but she couldn’t stop giggling.

  “We have somewhere to be.”

  “And if I have a little lipstick smudged on me it won’t be the end of the world.”

  I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tighter, making sure she couldn’t wiggle away from me.

  “You’re terrible,” she teased.

  “I’m in love.”

  I kissed her again, and this time, she didn’t giggle or pull away. She kissed me back, and it literally took my breath away.

  “Gabe! Charity!” my mom called from the hallway, and Charity pulled away from me. She gave me a shy grin and once again wiped the lipstick off of my lips. She turned to the mirror and pulled her lipstick out of her bag and began to reapply it.

  “In here,” I said.

  “We have to go, or we’ll be late. Charity, will your mom be able to make it?”

  “Yes, ma’am. She said she wouldn’t miss it.”

  She nodded and gave us a look like she knew what we had been doing before walking out of the room. We laughed afterward, but she was right. We would be late if we didn’t leave.

  “Come on,” I said.

  She put her hand in mind, and I led her down the stairs. Mom and Dad were waiting by the front door for us. Charity and I settled in the vehicle, and Mom and Dad soon followed. Then, we were on the way to the school.

  Charity and I held hands as we rode, but none of us spoke. I knew that being without her dad was weighing heavily on Charity today. Out of all of the days, today would be one of the most difficult since he passed away.

  “You okay?” I asked her.

  “Yeah. I’m just a little sad. He should have been here today.”

  “I know, but I also know that he’s proud of you. You worked hard, and today, you graduate with your class. You turned your life around, Chare. I’m proud of you, too.”

  She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I couldn’t have done it without you. I love you,” she whispered.

  “And I love you.”

  CHARLIE ARMSTRONG LAY on his bed backward, bouncing a tennis ball on the wall above his headboard and then off the ceiling. He aimed for the remnants of a dead spider he’d squashed two weeks before but hadn’t gotten around to cleaning off yet.

  Maybe it’ll disappear if I hit it hard enough.

  He threw the ball harder. Bah-bonk!

  Turning the ball in his hand, he found no spider juice in the fuzz. He sighed and took aim again. He’d been chucking the ball all morning for lack of anything better to do. Timbisha Middle School had given him a week off for mandatory bereavement. His parents were dead. Like he had a choice not to be sad.